You Killed Emma Shaw
by lshd
Summary: Jane struggles with all she knows.-Spoiler Alert. If you are behind on the series...proceed with caution. Sorry for the Spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Blindspot. I'm just a Jeller distraught. I was so upset that she lied I couldn't even enjoy the hot date question. I hope that she tells him, but after the way the season has gone so far, I am losing my hope that more angst isn't all we'll get.

" _You killed Emma Shaw…"_ Jane could still hear the words that doomed both her and Roman forever.

Kurt had protected Roman. Given her a second chance and they were responsible for systematically destroying his life.

She told Roman that she wanted to be the one to tell Weller, but the truth is she couldn't do it. This would devastate him. Knowing that Emma was murdered, just like Taylor. This could ruin him…Kurt took responsibility for everyone around him. Finding out just how much Sheppard had manipulated his life had made him doubt himself. Doubt everything. Now, to find out this, to know that she was a part of it, even if she couldn't remember… there was no redemption for her, no redemption for Roman. They didn't get a second chance because they didn't deserve one.

Telling him wouldn't get them any closer to Sheppard. It would only hurt him. She couldn't allow him to keep watching out for them, though, it would be like his father all over again. He'd accepted him back into his life and let him be around Sawyer, because she had lied. She couldn't let that happen again. She couldn't let him harbor the two of them knowing what they'd done, knowing what they were.

Jane walked through the NYO without seeing anyone. She headed for Roman's cell with dead eyes and determined feet. She didn't see the curious looks she received or the concerned her appearance garnished. She didn't notice, but even if she had she wouldn't have cared.

Arriving in front of the glass door she looked at Roman as he looked back at her.

"Did you tell him?" Roman asked noticing her pallor.

"No," Jane denied, "I can't tell him."

"We can't pretend it didn't happen." Roman insisted harshly.

"No," Jane agreed, "We can't."

"Do you want me to tell him?" Roman asked her.

"He can't ever know," Jane insisted.

"What?" Roman looked at her in shock.

"This would destroy him…losing her in an accident was bad enough, this…" She trailed off.

"So what?" Roman looked at her in confusion.

"We need to end this," Jane told him.

"How?" Roman knew Jane, but this wasn't her.

"We are leaving here," Jane told him opening the door to his cell, "And we are going to find Sheppard. We will stop her."

"Sandstorm has an army," Roman reminded her stepping out to stand in front of her, "We will die."

"Yes," Jane agreed, "But not before we get her."

"You think he will take this better?" Roman asked her seriously.

"At least this betrayal will be to save him, not destroy him." Jane said with determination.

"He will hate you, hate us," Roman insisted.

"He should hate us," Jane agreed.

"I did this, you didn't," Roman reminded her.

"I might not have known, but it was because Sheppard was sending me to the FBI. It's my fault as much as yours."

"You love him," Roman accused.

"Yes," Jane agreed,

"Jane," Roman put his hand on her shoulder.

"Remi," Jane corrected him.

"What?" Roman looked at her in surprise.

"I'm Remi," Jane told him, "I can't wish her away. I am Remi and I'll die Remi, but not before I make Sheppard pay for what she's done."

"Remi," Roman looked down at her and realized that's why Jane looked so different. The compassion and empathy that Jane couldn't help feeling was gone. _It was Remi_ Roman realized with a start.

"Do you remember?" Roman demanded.

"Enough to know that dying is the kindest thing I can do." Jane admitted.

"You're Jane," Roman insisted shaking her.

"I zipped you," Jane told him without expression.

Roman let go and stepped away, "What?"

"I zipped you," Remi told him again.

" _You_ _zipped me_?" Roman demanded in shock.

"You were a horrible person, I was a horrible person, and I wanted to give you a second chance. I wanted to save you," Remi explained, "but you can't save people like us. We were made to die."

"I should kill you now," Roman yelled at her.

"You won't make it out of here alive," Remi told him, "but you can try."

Roman had flashes of memory. Jane tied to a chair, being unable to kill her, Sheppard shooting him, Jane zipping him…

"Are you going to try to kill me or not?" Remi asked Roman.

He looked down at her and though about all he'd been through since she'd zipped him, all that he'd learned. He had changed he realized in surprise. She had given him a second chance and now she was taking it away, from both of them.

"I imagine Sheppard will probably do that for me," He finally relented.

"Are you in or out?" Remi demanded.

"Well, I'm not going to let you die alone and she did shoot me." Roman agreed.

Passing him the extra gun she had tucked into her waist she waited to see what he'd do.

When he lifted up his shirt and tucked it out of sight she let some of her tension ease.

"I don't care if the entire NYO tries to kill us as we leave…nobody here dies." Remi warned him.

"Whatever you say…Jane," He taunted following her to the door.


	2. Chapter 2

"Something's wrong," Patterson insisted to Tasha.

"I agree, but what?"

"I don't know, but ever since Rich was here, Jane's been different. Distant."

"What's with the scowls?" Reed asked as he walked over to them.

"Something's up with Jane," Tasha told him.

"She's quite, but that's not unusual." Reed admitted.

"She's quite with us, sure, but now she's not talking to Kurt either." Patterson insisted.

Reed thought for a moment, "She's acted distant like this once before," He reminded them.

"When she was hiding Sandstorm from us," Tasha looked at the others in alarm.

"So she hiding something," Patterson agreed, "but let's not jump to conclusions."

"We need to tell Kurt," Tasha insisted.

"I'll call him." Patterson conceded.

"So this is about Jane?" Kurt looked at the concerned faces around him.

"She's hiding something," Patterson insisted.

"She's…dating," Kurt forced himself to admit.

"Why would that make her feel guilty?" Zapata scoffed at Kurt.

"Then what?" He asked in frustration. He knew they were right, he'd seen it too.

"It started the night Nas took Roman and Jane to look at the addresses. She must have remembered something."

"Something she isn't telling us," Reed reminded them.

"What about Roman?" Kurt asked them, "How's he been acting?"

Walking over Patterson pulled up the live feed to Roman's cell. They weren't surprised to see Jane just entering the holding area.

"Maybe they'll talk about what's bothering her," Patterson worried, hitting the sound button.

They listened puzzled.

"What's she talking about?" Tasha asked in confusion.

 _He can't ever know…this would destroy him._

 _It's hard enough for him believing that she died in an accident…_ Kurt heard the words and knew. Knew what she couldn't tell him.

Kurt was lost…his memories spinning until he heard Jane say…

 _We are leaving here…._

His attention snapped back to the screen in shock.

 _We will die…_

 _Yes...but not before we get her…_

 _He will hate you, hate us_...

 _He should_

 _I did this, you didn't_

 _I might not have known_ … _It's my fault as much as yours_."

By now the others were looking at him in concern, but he couldn't look away from the screen, couldn't stop listening…

 _You love him_.

 _Yes_

His clenched fists trembled at her admission.

 _Jane_

 _Remi_

He wouldn't lose her to this…Kurt felt his anger rise. He's paid enough…he wasn't losing her too.

 _I'll die Remi_

No she wouldn't.

 _Do you remember_?

 _Enough to know that dying is the kindest thing I can do_

If he has to live through this, she sure as hell wasn't leaving him.

 _You're Jane_

 _I zipped you_

They all froze in horror, looking at Jane standing in just a foot from Roman confessing everything. Kurt actually reached for his weapon before he realized he was too far away…

 _There is no saving people like us._ _We were made to die._

 _I should kill you…_ Roman's rage was shocking to see directed toward Jane.

 _You can try_.

Kurt turned and started to holding at a run. "Wait until we get in there with them," He yelled back at Patterson, "Then hit lockdown."


	3. Chapter 3

Jane turned her back on Roman, at this point if he killed her, at least the pain of her decision would end.

Moving over toward the door she was surprised with it burst open before she got there.

Kurt, Reed and Zapata burst into the room, guns drawn.

She looked at them in shock, before jerking her gaze back to a now armed Roman in alarm.

He had his hands up and was readily surrendering.

She never reached for her weapon, she couldn't use it and everyone in the room knew it.

"Roman," Kurt told him softly, "Get back in your cell. Leave the weapon on the ground."

Roman did as he was instructed, pulling the door closed behind him.

It was only then that Jane realized that the entire building had gone into lockdown. Kurt turned his attention to her once Roman was secure. He didn't say anything and she couldn't. He throat was so tight she could barely get air in, much less say anything.

Reed and Tasha put away their weapons.

Jane couldn't look at Kurt and he couldn't look away from her.

Walking over to her he didn't say anything, lifting her up her threw her over his shoulder and turned toward the door.

"Patterson," He said as he walked toward it.

It opened before he arrived.

Jane looked back at Roman in dismay to see him watching them leave with a little smile.

"Kurt," Jane tried to protest.

"Shut up," Kurt warned her. He kept going until he found someplace private.

Putting her down, he didn't release her, but instead moved closer and invaded her space.

"What to tell me what the hell that was all about?" He demanded refusing to let her look away from him.

He was livid and Jane couldn't blame him.

"Roman remembered something…horrible." Jane finally admitted. "I couldn't tell you…"

"How is it at this point there is anything that you can't tell me?" He demanded in incomprehension.

"This memory would hurt you," Jane explained with trembling lips, "You've been hurt so much."

"So you're still trying to protect me?" Kurt felt a tick in his cheek.

"I'm trying not to destroy you," Jane denied.

"So," Kurt looked at her seriously, "Leaving me wouldn't hurt me?"

"It would hurt you less than what I don't want to tell you." Jane insisted.

"Nothing would hurt me more than you leaving me." Kurt told her, too furious to mince his words.

"You don't know," Jane denied,

"Sheppard had Emma killed," Kurt just looked at her.

"Sheppard had…Roman kill Emma," Jane burst into tears.

"What does that have to do with us?" Kurt demanded shaking her gently.

"They killed Emma because she would know I wasn't her daughter," Jane told him, the tears unstoppable. "It's my fault."

"Is it my fault that my Father killed Taylor?" Kurt demanded.

"No!" Jane denied immediately, "Then it isn't your fault that your brother killed Emma because Sheppard told him to."

"You protected him, you protected me and all we've done is hurt you," Jane insisted.

"I know what Sheppard is capable of," Kurt reminded her, "She was going to kill you not that long ago."

"But…" Jane looked at him in disbelief.

"You are not Remi," Kurt pulled her even closer. "You're Jane. You can come to me with anything. I will never turn my back on you again."

Jane looked up at him silently. Suddenly she pulled him all the way against her and began sobbing uncontrollably while holding him close.

His arms closed around her just as tightly and he felt his own eyes wet.

"We are in this together Jane… _together."_

"Together," Jane repeated against his neck.

Pulling back he forced her tear drenched eyes to meet his, "You will not leave me…"

Nodding her head she agreed.

"Say it," Kurt insisted.

"I….I won't leave you," Jane stuttered.

Pulling her back against him, Kurt closed his eyes in relief. He had almost lost her today. He wasn't going to let that happen.

"Are you okay?" Jane worried.

"Stop trying to protect me and I will be," Kurt compromised. He knew that Emma being murdered was going to weigh on him…probably forever, but realizing what Jane was prepared to do to spare him gave him unexpected comfort. He had protected people all of his life. Jane, however, was the first person he could ever remember that was determined to protect him. He wasn't going to let her, but that fact that she wanted to is just another thing that made her irreplaceable. Necessary in a way nobody in his life had ever been. In a way that nobody would ever be.


End file.
